[
[
[ thunder from a clear sky
[
[
[myriad ways to say farewell but none can
[
[ words break, thoughts shatter, lay unfinished
[ inside my skin
[
[there is no part of my universe with which you are not entangled
[
[
[ empty vessels whisper unutterable truths of
[ absence
[
[ pilfered moments, stolen years
[ falling inward building
[
[dark star of rage within my breast
[ you can’t you can’t you can’t
[
[swallow the gods—tin gods—that made it so
[
[cry out
[ no sleep no dreaming no
[
[
[ unimaginable
[
[face close to mine, breath coupled
[ the reverence of our
[
[ spills out onto barren steppes
[ together, only apart
[
[farewell my
[
[
Posts Tagged ‘loss’
Lacunae
Posted in Poetry, Writing, tagged creative writing, grief, grieving, loss, modern poetry, Poetry, Writing on 06 Sep 2026| Leave a Comment »
The Leaving
Posted in Poetry, tagged death, grief, loss, modern poetry, Poetry on 29 May 2026| Leave a Comment »
Sing to me, O Muse, of a complicated man,
this life self-forged through tragic fire,
crafted from scraps of tin and gold,
hammered thin by doom and choice,
quenched to brittleness in acid waters.
Show me how, through the veil of years,
these smoldering bones did carry
the multitude of atoms that both
sparkled and hissed, caressed and raged,
in this single, fractious, chimeric whole.
Write down for me the lines whereby
this fatal journey can be fathomed,
such modes contained and fit to reason
as stern-faced lesson or warning dire and not
chaotic spasms of an indifferent fate.
None of us, not one, are made of stuff so pure
that faults, once sought, remain unfound within our selves,
but if this one soul’s full account of light
can be so nearly blasted through then how did I,
who lived so near and for so long, escape untouched?
The Heart of It All
Posted in Poetry, tagged creative writing, grief, loss, Memorial, modern poetry, mourning, Poetry on 07 Oct 2024| 1 Comment »
There is no language of loss,
no poem, no song, no elegy of agony
that does aught but sketch
the barest dimensions
of our experience
Loss is not a place, it does not reside,
not in an empty temple, eager with echoes,
nor some vasty stump-studded waste
that sups on our anguish,
insatiable
It is a state, a condition,
a matrix of broken love
that whirls its knife-edged path
through the essential core
of our soul
It cannot be avoided or removed,
assuaged or denied or avenged
but only borne, suffered, survived,
and accepted by
the bonds of memory
Suddenly
Posted in Creativity, Poetry, tagged grief, loss, marriage, modern poetry, mourning, Poetry on 02 Mar 2023| Leave a Comment »
and when she was gone
the house lost its voice
no laughter echoed
no giggles,
no braying,
no full-bellied mirth
banter lost its purpose
no rejoinders,
no quips,
no quotes apropos
sounds of life fell silent
no snores,
no clatter of dishes,
no questions shouted from two rooms away
instead, only
stockinged feet
on hardwood floors
hushed whispers
with the laconic housecat
the ticking of clocks
and soundless steeping tea
for when she was gone
it felt wrong
to laugh
to love
to live
but spring was coming
her favorite season
and her roses still wanted
to bloom

As We Pass
Posted in Culture, Poetry, tagged creative writing, grief, loss, modern poetry, mourning, Poetry, Writing on 09 Jun 2022| Leave a Comment »
in the passenger seat,
on a narrow country road,
my window rolled down,
the scent of warm grass thickens the air
beyond a low fence,
a gathering in black wool,
silent but for ritual words,
meaningless intonations of finality
as we draw near,
time congeals like aspic,
heat rises in dreamlike waves,
flowers wilt in reverent clumps
the surrounding faces
are strangers whom I know,
fugitives on the same path,
dogged by the same relentless pursuers
pain, sharp-edged,
a new reality that dawns
as the loved one stolen
is set into the receiving earth
near the center
one mourner stands,
brow blank, eyes questioning:
Who am I, without you?
as we pass
time releases us,
our hearts resume their muffled beat,
and we yearn for the peace of simple things
Yeoman
Posted in Creativity, Writing, tagged creative writing, death, father, grief, loss, memento, Parents, vignettes on 04 Nov 2021| 2 Comments »
There are, in my home, many watches. But for five years, I’ve carried only one.
My watches date from the Age of Steam to the Age of Jets, bearing the marks of craftsmen from Victorian, Edwardian, Nouveau, Deco, and Mid-Century eras.
I have watches that were used to keep trains running on time, mark a valued employee’s retirement, chime the quarter hour, and show the time in the dark with radium-lit dials. Some glister with ruby bearings and gears of gold, their plates tooled with filigree, their enameled dials bright, while others are of stamped brass, paper faces, encased in cheap tin.
They are the watches of men both rich and poor, bespoke or mass-produced, but all came to me in somnolent neglect and the silence of disrepair. For each of them, I cracked their cases, disassembled their movements, cleaned and repaired and replaced the parts that were begrimed, bent, or broken, bringing them back to life, allowing their spring-loaded hearts to beat once again.
I used to swap them out, carry a different one every week, its chain hooked onto my denim belt loop, the watch itself tucked into the tiny right-hand pocket designed solely for the purpose.
But no longer.
Waltham, Elgin, Hampden, Ingersoll, and the others, high-end or base-born, all now lie stored in cushioned darkness, their mainsprings having ticked down to quiet rest.
Now, my watch pocket is empty, for my wrist carries my watch.
It’s a scuffed and scarred thing, with a crystal that’s a bit scratched, a bit chipped. It isn’t very old—a score of years at most—and it is decidedly plain, with square hands and numbers on a simple white face. It doesn’t even have a mainspring, the coiled powerhouse of nearly every other watch I own, but runs on a battery.
It’s a run-of-the-mill Timex Indiglo wristwatch. And it is my father’s watch.
When my father died, five years ago, and I was cleaning out his last abode, his watch was included in his effects. It is the watch he wore every day, whether he was out fishing for steelhead, sneaking a smoke out back, or painting a landscape, and it is—as was he—basic, uncomplicated, quiet, easy to read, dependable, sturdy, and consistent.
For five years, it’s been on my wrist doing yeoman’s work, ticking away, showing me the wee hours with its cyan glow, keeping perfect time. I’ve never changed the battery, not once in those five years. It is, as I said, dependable, sturdy, and consistent.
Someday, it too will run down, its battery spent, and that day, I suppose, when the new battery clicks into place, that will be when the watch will stop being his, and will then be mine.
k
Happiness, Music, Joy
Posted in Culture, tagged creative writing, friendship, gaku, grief, loss, old friends, vignette, Writing on 04 Sep 2013| 3 Comments »
I once knew a girl.
She was beautiful, with happy eyes and apple cheeks and long, black hair. She was quick to smile, her eyes turning into crescents, her laugh quiet and shy, like a secret. She was quiet, like me, and thoughtful, unafraid of deeper questions. She played the violin, not very well, but well enough to enjoy the challenge, the process, and the camaraderie of the shared anguish of second violins. From my seat in the viola section, we would share a glance, a wink.
She was kind. When I told her of my growing affections, she suggested we take a different course. I decided my life was better with her in it, and agreed. We remained friends, wrote letters, flirted without romance, talked of life, of dreams, of the future.
In time, though, our paths diverged. Other loves and other dreams led us both away from our hometown. Our letters grew infrequent, then stopped.
Decades passed.
Then, a note. An email. Is that you? Do you remember me? (more…)
