Posted in Creativity, Poetry, Writing, tagged gratitude, love, modern poetry, partnership, Poetry, Relationships on 26 Oct 2023| Leave a Comment »
I have walked
From land to land and star to star
I have walked
Through lifetimes and histories unwritten
I have walked
Learning living loving leaving
One place one life one breathless moment
For the next
I have walked
Though not alone
For with each step each thought each dream-built notion
Through crepe-hung heartaches and clean-scented joys
To lead to follow or simply to be
There has been you
We
We have walked
Posted in Culture, tagged 40th, anniversary, long-term relationships, love, marriage, Relationships, weddings on 27 Jul 2023| 1 Comment »
This weekend is a milestone for us, my wife and me. It’s our 40th wedding anniversary.
We’ve learned a few things over these four decades, but the most important lesson has been “How to Communicate.”
Case in point: Last night I delivered a critique based on bad information. I’d misunderstood something my wife had said, made a judgment based on that misunderstanding, and calmly supplied her with my ill-wrought criticism. Naturally, it didn’t go over too well. Thirty years ago this might have ended in a row. Twenty years ago, we’d probably have bickered and sniped. Ten years ago, there would have been an airing of our grievances, but we still would have ended up a bit bent out of shape.
Last night? After a brief period of quiet, my wife informed me of my mistake, correcting what I’d misinterpreted. In response, I agreed that I’d obviously gotten it wrong, retracted my statement, and thanked her for setting me straight. A non-event.
This improvement has not been a straight line progression, and some topics are obviously more fraught than others in this regard. The point, though, is that we’ve been working at it, via both introspection and dialogue, refining and adjusting our attitudes, our approaches, and our methods.
Relationships aren’t constant. They change with conditions and react to events. They strengthen. They become strained. Sometimes, they break. Sometimes, they should break. But with attention and communication, they almost always can be improved upon. The “more perfect Union” is a goal worth striving for.
k
Posted in Culture, Poetry, tagged authenticity, friendship, honesty, modern poetry, Poetry, Relationships on 17 Mar 2023| Leave a Comment »
no reason
for silence,
for shrouding
heart-born truths
they are
overwintered seeds,
motes hard-shelled
and inert
aching for
spring’s caress,
the taste
of rainwater
sow truths
in sunlight,
broadcast kindness
on the wind
nothing flowers,
nothing nourishes,
nothing grows
in darkness
k
Posted in Culture, Poetry, tagged family, friends, friendship, modern poetry, Poetry, Relationships on 09 Feb 2023| 2 Comments »
Do not presume that
because a heart is distant
it cannot can be read
Hearts can love or loathe,
be bound or apart, unmoved
by proximity
One can be as dear
unmet, half a world away,
as from down the street
Love can falter on
the doorstep, or reach across
the space between stars
Posted in Poetry, Writing, tagged creative writing, modern poetry, Poetry, Relationships, Writing on 31 Oct 2022| Leave a Comment »
she’s a night owl
and I rise before dawn
which gives us both
a few hours alone
to miss each other
Posted in Writing, tagged friendship, personal value, Poetry, Relationships on 20 Sep 2016| Leave a Comment »
Cats have their signs.
The twitching tail.
The flattened ears.
So do I.
Know me?
You’ll see them.
Esteem me?
You’ll heed them.
Else
No fireworks.
No tirades.
No hiss and lashing claws.
Just silence
And the snick of the closing door.
Too late.
Too late.
Call it what you want.
I no longer care.
Cats have their signs.
k
Posted in Culture, tagged couples, marriage, marriage advice, men vs. women, Relationships on 30 Jul 2012| Leave a Comment »
Today, marks my 29th wedding anniversary. During that time, I’ve learned a little. I don’t pretend to know the dynamics of same-sex couples or have any advice for women in a marriage. I’m a guy, I’m hetero-, I’m in a marriage; this is all I know. So, gentlemen, if you are interested, pull up a chair.
First and foremost: Commit to it. If you aren’t 100% committed to it, don’t even bother. There’s nothing better in this stressful world than knowing that your partner has your six, but if you’re unable to do that for her, if you’re still looking out for something better or worse, something on the side, you’re not ready. Naturally, the same goes for her, but right now I’m talking to you.
Next: learn to listen. Women are complicated. We males, we’re the red-shirts of human society; we’re the guys that go down with Kirk and Spock to the planet and never come back. We’re designed simply, our needs are simple, our thoughts are simple and straightforward. We see a problem, we solve a problem. Women are not simple. Women think things through. Women use words to think things through; lots of words. Here’s where it gets tricky. Sometimes a woman will tell you about a problem. She’s talking about it, thinking it through, maybe venting a little. You want to help, you want to solve the problem, but you can come up with solution after solution and she’ll shoot them down as fast as you can suggest them, because she doesn’t want you to fix it. She just wants to talk about it. This is foreign to the male brain, but it works for them.
When she does give you a problem to solve, finish what you start. Don’t put up new cabinets and leave the doors off, don’t redo the bathroom and not repaint. And this goes for big things, too, like cars and jobs and schools and kids. Follow-through is the best guarantee of success, and if you need a list to make sure you don’t forget something, write a list. Just get the job done and get it done on time.
Last one for today: be ready to apologize. This is a big one, because a little apology can go a long way. Sure, you may have justifications and rationalizations for why you’re an hour late (I lost track of the time. You said you weren’t hungry.) and you can get all big and scary and defensive (Why didn’t you remind me? Why didn’t you start without me?) but none of that matters because the moment you get steamed, you’ve lost. Just suck it up and say you’re sorry, and do it soon. Storm off and pout for twenty minutes if you must, but then suck it up, get back in there, and apologize. If you’re not man enough to do that, you’ve got bigger problems.
It boils down to this: grow the hell up, guys. Quit being that spoiled little brat or that randy teenager or that chest-thumping yahoo. Quit spending so much time being male and start being a man. Trust, transparency, and a little tenderness will help you avoid hard times.
k
Unraveling Time
Desert Wind
Ploughman's Son
Ploughman King
The Year the Cloud Fell
The Spirit of Thunder
Shadow of the Storm
The Cry of the Wind
Beneath a Wounded Sky
Cryptogenesis: A Memoir
Kurt R.A. Giambastiani 