Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Writing’

Sometimes, words are insufficient.

There are times when I write a piece—usually a longer piece like yesterday’s but sometimes just a poem—that the rhythm and speed of the words is just as important as the words themselves; it’s like rather than writing, I’m composing, and so when the piece goes out into the world I don’t want it to be read so much as performed. What the piece needs is something . . . else, something more. It needs less to have been written than to have been scored, like a piece of music.

Music has the advantage here, and those of you who have learned how to play music know what I mean. A musical score isn’t just the notes that tell you what pitch to play and how long to play them: high, low, short, long. The score is full of other instructions like how loudly to play the note or how softly, whether the notes should all be slurred together or if they should be distinct and separated. It tells us the tempo, and when it should speed up or slow down, hold back, pause, or just freeze under a fermata’s little umbrella. It even tells us the feeling of the section we’re playing, like if it should evoke agitation, sweetness, sadness, grandiosity, gracefulness.

It’s not that I want the piece to be sung; no, it should be spoken (aloud or silently), but as with that last piece, there are sections where it builds in fervor and speed, piling word upon word, crescendo, accelerando, stronger, faster, until bang! hit the sforzando on this word, and then quieter, softer, slower, and . . . breathe.

It’s a frustration not to be remedied, this missing element, especially as I know readers will often skip over sections, miss the rhythm of the words I’ve chosen, skim. Not a criticism. Folks are busy. Life is busy. Time is precious, and even if you grace me with the time to read a piece fully, thoughtfully, there’s no way it’s going to play in your head the way I’ve conducted it in mine. And, sadly, there’s no guarantee that, were I to read it aloud, it would be any better. Composition and performance are two entirely different skills. I’ve attended enough author readings to know this is true.

But, keep it in mind, maybe. Tuck that thought away, and if there’s a piece—a short essay, a vignette, a poem—that really clicks with you, go back to it, maybe even read it aloud, and see if there’s something else, something ephemeral, something hidden in the recitation that is more powerful than what mere words convey.

k

Read Full Post »

This morning, I awoke surprised as last night, in my dream, I died, that fearful thing we were always told would mean we’d seen our last waking day. Yet here I am alive and telling my tale of how I dreamt that, after a struggle, I’d succeeded in my grand task, but failed to save myself.

I lay in a hospital bed. The room was bright, the machines beeped, but when the klaxons sounded I turned my head and saw the monitor’s lines go flat, its numbers tick down to zero. I know it was it I who watched, as I felt my conscious self hanging on for a few brief breathless moments as my candle guttered out. There was no sudden pain, no last struggle against the dark, or if there was, I was unaware as my form and I had already parted ways. I heard no celestial choirs, saw no flights of angels. What filled me as my vision faded was neither terror nor fear, not even anxiety.

I felt free.

Free. Released, unfettered, one final exhalation filled with serenity and peace, the struggle over, the grand task complete, a life, concluded. I wanted nothing after, did not pray for heaven, feared no hell. I was simply content to have loved well and done my best.

That’s it.
Love well.
Do your best.
Naught else is worth tallying.

Read Full Post »

rain, cold, and woodsmoke
a cottage in the deep green
homespun alchemy

Read Full Post »

don’t give in to the maelstrom’s song
the downward spiral toward denial
of what your bones know is righteous or wrong

don’t let the harmonies that sing in your blood
go quiet and numb, muffled and choked
by the unfeeling actions of criminal hearts

there’s so much so much this onrushing tide
of gleeful cruelty and polished-brass venality that
to think of nothing to jettison hope can seem the softer path

but love dies when hearts go silent
and despair takes root when tears dry up
numbness saves no one not others not us

so let the feelings come seek them out
lean in and swim with the building wave
shout out rise up and take the beachhead

for this is a fight we dare not lose

Read Full Post »

with paper before me and
a pen in my hand
a cloud is
rising blooming billowing scudding
cumulus nimbus a thunderhead
dark foreboding airy bright

with paper before me and
a brush in my hand
a cloud is
gradients reflective limned
shadowed grey sunlit white
rounded flat-topped

with paper before me and
nothing in my hand
a cloud
is

 

Read Full Post »

I was born of Pacific waters
bathed in their colors of stone and sky
swam their frigid swells and troughs
to return awakens my heart’s connection
to walk the firm yet yielding sand
to wade knee-deep through the rip
to comb a fiver’s worth of unbroken dollars
to have my ankles caressed by sea foam
to greet the sunrise and kiss the sunset
to hear my father’s words echo
“Never turn your back on the ocean”
though I do, if only to see my world
as the ocean views it
a dark forbidding challenge
to its unparalleled power
the Pacific is the edge of my existence
it flows in my veins
it nourishes my soul

Read Full Post »

I took my nose on a walk, today, and let it lead me from one memory to the next. It was a cool overcast midsummer morning, the land still damp, leaves still plump from yesterday’s sudden rain. Flowers nodded heavily, leaning from tidy beds over paved walkways like old men rising from a heavy sleep. Birds sought ripening berries through branch and bramble, and dogs led their owners from spot to spot, following their own noses.

First I tramped uphill over needles and cones, a well-trod path winding beneath conifers that lost their heads in the lifting fog. The air was redolent with resin and bark, soft earth and dew-soft ferns, and my nose remembered my time as a student at music camp, days and nights spent tucked up amidst giant sequoias, so close, so tall, that their height could not be seen, and my mind echoed with the opening beats of Copland’s Fanfare, an unexpected reveille to wake teenage musicians and fashion a memory never to be lost.

I walked onward along the ridgeline as the morning cleared, the slanting light breaking through the southern sky, the avenue warming with the summer’s rising sun. The scent of August grass, dry and seed-heavy, a mixture of soil and wood and hay and warmth, took me back to the rolling hills of my youth, slick and golden, begging us to take our cardboard squares to their tops and slide down their gentle slopes.

Farther, I passed beneath a plum tree, the path beside it filled with fallen fruit. The air was thick with a sweet, sun-stewed aroma that filled my brain with scenes of kitchens and bushel baskets and Mason jars and food mills and sacks of sugar all at the ready, as the thick preserves bubbled quietly on the stove.

Heading home, I walked along the main boulevard, wide and now sun-drenched, busy with cars and trucks. I sniffed the scents of diesel exhaust and hot pavement mingled with dust and the wafting aroma of brewing coffee. I closed my eyes and was met with the image of Jerusalem streets as I walked to the bus stop on my way to morning classes. The only thing missing was the adhan, broadcast from minarets, blaring across the awakening city.

It was a wide-ranging journey, though found within but a few miles on foot, a surprising trip through time and distance.

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »