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Kurt R.A. GiambastianiRenowned author Dan Brown has a new book, and it is therefore open season for critics, professional and amateur alike.

But I’m going to leave that to others, especially Michael Deacon of the Daily Telegraph, who did it better than anyone in his pastiche of the Brownian “style.” Really, go read it, but don’t drink coffee while you do so. And don’t pass by the top comments, either, one of which gives us the neologism “blort”–the perfect one-word replacement for “spit take.” If you have time, also check out the Telegraph’s “20 Worst Sentences from Dan Brown.”

The pastiche is easily the funniest piece this side of Chuck Lorre’s vanity cards. Reading it aloud reminded me of similar sessions with “The Eye of Argon” and Atlanta Nights by Travis Tea. (If you’ve never heard of the latter, let me know and I’ll let you in on the history.) The “20 Worst” will make you simultaneously laugh and cry that such sentences make it into a bestselling novel.

But as I said, I’m not going to dogpile on renowned author Dan Brown. Why? (more…)

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Kurt R.A. GiambastianiSorry for this late post. I’ve spent the morning dodging trolls over in the LinkedIn writers’ groups. Oy vey. But while there, someone brought up a topic that actually interested me (until it submerged into troll-dom).

The topic was: big words. Or, more precisely, obscure words.

The poster was complaining about the word “chthonic.” Any of you know what it means, off the top of your head? (more…)

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Kurt R.A. GiambastianiAs part of my natural writing exercises, I’ve been encouraging my right brain to “do its thing.” As a result, I’ve noticed  a growing number of metaphors and some interesting imagery creeping into my day.

Yesterday, I watched an interesting video about metronomes and a striking metaphor came to my mind.

The video shows 32 metronomes (for you non-musical types, they’re the little tick-tock timekeepers musicians often use to keep a steady beat), and the videographer starts them all out of synch. The sound is a chaotic rush of ticking, like a river of hazelnuts clattering downstream. Now, if the metronomes had been on a table or other solid, static surface, they would continue this way, but the videographer has put them on a moveable surface (it looks like a suspended sheet of foam rubber). As each metronome swings its arm and counterbalance, a tiny amount of its force is imparted to its neighbor. The result was fascinating.

It’s only 4 minutes long, and rather mesmerizing in its way.

Go. Watch it. I’ll wait. (more…)

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Kurt R.A. GiambastianiQuestion:

When is a “debut author” not a debut author?

I recently saw an ad for a new book by a “debut author.” Amazon was flogging this book hard, and the publisher had placed adverts in the trades and bought ad space on websites and magazines. Much buzz was being generated about this “debut novel” from a brand-new author.

Thing is…I’m acquainted with this “debut author.” I’ve met her a couple of times, at signings and readings. Signings for her books. Readings of her books. This author is a very nice person and a very good author–I’ve read her work and enjoyed it very much–but she is not a “debut author.” She’s just branching out, writing under a pseudonym.

Pseudonyms are a common practice in writing, and there are many legitimate reasons for using them.

  • An author doesn’t want to be directly identified. A pseudonym creates a buffer between the author and the reading public.
  • An author has failed with his own name, and his track record makes him the literary equivalent of “box office poison.” A pseudonym provides a fresh start with a clean slate.
  • An author has succeeded with her own name, in a specific genre, and her name is now associated with that genre; but now she’s branching out, writing in a different genre. A pseudonym allows her to “rebrand” herself, and write in multiple genres without confusing (and possibly alienating) her faithful readers. I mean, if the latest Stephen King book was filled with epic poetry, some readers might be pissed off (at least in theory).

But it is not the pseudonym that bothers me; not at all. It’s the publisher’s use of the “debut author” label. Yes, this is done all the time; yes, it’s a common marketing practice. There’s nothing illegal about it, certainly, but still, it bothers me. First, it is vaguely insulting. I mean, are readers so dumb that they can’t figure out that Stephen King’s latest (hypothetical) book, titled Odes to Mothers: A collection of epic poetry in the Gothic style, is probably not his usual fare?

It is also unethical, dishonest, and disingenuous. This isn’t a “new voice” in the literary world. In all likelihood, this author’s style is going to be similar to past works, regardless of genre or what name is on the cover.

And more importantly, what does this do to all the other, real debut authors? Does this cheapen their work in comparison? Does this harm their debut? Will people miss their book, in all the noise about this other “debut?” Will buyers think less of the title because the publisher hasn’t put the same kind of oomph behind it?

This is just publishing at its most cutthroat, at its most businesslike. It’s a marketing tactic, designed to maximize ROI, nothing more. It isn’t that the buying public is getting a lesser quality work; on the contrary, these ersatz “debuts” arguably provide something of higher quality than legitimate debuts, so the public is not cheated. But a person can be duped and not be cheated.

Why do we accept dishonesty, if the outcome is not harmful?

k

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Bogie and BacallYesterday, after posting about “Persuasion,” I asked my online peeps what their favorite on-screen kiss was. I did not ask for Best; I asked for Favorite.

When Best walks in the door, it has Judgment on one arm and Argument on the other, while Favorite is pure opinion. You can’t argue or judge someone’s favorite. Best is an opinion. Favorite…Favorite just is.

The list was interesting, and I was surprised by each and every response, in one way or another. Some choices hinted at the flip-side of my friends’ personal coin. Others were obvious sentimental choices. Others were temporal, tied more to a time or event than to the movie itself. All were illuminating, and I can easily see how any of them could be someone’s favorite.

As with everything, this is all grist for the novelist’s Character Creation mill. The quirks and quiet, inner details of personalities fascinate. People are like fractals: the deeper you look, the more detail you see.

Here’s the list. Feel free to add yours in comments! (more…)

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Exit 175

Gossamer Wheel

Exit 175

water bubbles up
through concrete and macadam
past stone and brickwork
a quiet spring

a seeping thread of clear water
it cleanses my singing tires
rises in hissing mist
makes rainbows in the rising sun

the natural world lives on
despite manmade bonds
lies quietly beneath my feet
like grass in cracked pavement

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Kurt R.A. GiambastianiI’m in serious Writing-Avoidance Mode.

May brings the first Mother’s Day and my mom’s birthday since her passing in December. Family business and concerns literally wake me up at night. My day job has been a frenzy of frustration and chaos. I can’t focus on anything requiring mental acuity for very long, so the garden and household-repair projects are all I can manage.

Writing? What’s that?

But I did come across this interesting article in the Washington Post. A new study has found that several words have a much longer history than we thought possible. (more…)

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