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We Three Kings

Do you moue and roll your eyes when someone mentions Shakespeare? (If so, then I don’t know why you read this blog.) But if you do, if you think Shakespeare is nothing but a collection of thee’s and thou’s, if you find it all just stuffy and boring and completely incomprehensible, then I have the perfect entrée for you.

As the centerpiece of the 2012 Cultural Olympiad, the UK (in the form of the BBC) have created a new version of Shakespeare’s royal tetralogy collectively known as The Hollow Crown, and it is wonderful. More than that, though, it is accessible, it is totally comprehensible (both in plot and in language), and it is a joy.

The Hollow Crown comprises four of Shakespeare’s histories–Richard II, Henry IV Parts I and II, and Henry V–and in these you will not find any star-crossed lovers, any intricate plots. You won’t find women disguised as men nor any twins separated at birth. You’ll find no trickery gone awry and no semblance of death. None of that, here.

In The Hollow Crown, you’ll only find clean lines of action, kings trying to rule, subjects in revolt. You’ll find wenching and drinking, smooching and smiting, usurpations, successions, and war.

Easy peasy. Continue Reading »

Check Under the Hood?

Blue SunThis is your bi-annual reminder about regular diagnostics and backup procedures.

“Jeez, Unca Kurt! That’s boring!”

Sorry, chirren. This is Important Stuff.

This past weekend, I was thankful I had taken my own advice.

About 2 weeks ago, during my regularly scheduled diagnostics run, the program (the HP-supplied Hardware Diagnostics Tool, powered by PC-Doctor), the tests reported errors on my main hard drive. Specifically, it was an HD521-2W error code which meant (I learned, after a quick search) that IO errors were occurring on the main partition.

Translation: my C: drive was dying. Continue Reading »

First Impressions

Stack of BooksI had my first Book Meeting on The Wolf Tree.

This is the meeting where First Reader and I sit down, I give her the pitch, and she tells me, No, the plot doesn’t sound stupid.

Seriously. That’s what this meeting is for. Well, mostly. She also picks apart the plot, the characters, the backstories, she asks how it’ll be told, etc., but mostly, she needs to tell me the plot doesn’t sound stupid.

Why do I think my plot sounds stupid? I don’t know. Looking back on my completed novels, those plots don’t sound stupid. But always, at the outset of every project, I’m convinced that my plotline is hopelessly flawed and will make the worst book ever. To be fair, when you boil any plot down to that one-minute “elevator pitch,” it loses a lot. All elevator pitches sound more or less stupid, insipid, unbelievable (in a bad way), or cliché. So, to get me over this first hurdle, we have our first Book Meeting.

But before I can walk into this meeting, the book must have gelled. I’m not talking about working out the basic plot–in fact, plot is the least important aspect. Plots take care of themselves, to a certain degree, as do sub-plots. Sure, I need to know where the bit set pieces are going to be, what the main action is, and so forth, but if I have them sketched out, that’s good enough. I need to know where I’m going, but I don’t necessarily want to know exactly how I’m going to get there. I used to obsess about every detail in outlines before, and found that it always changed in the production phase, so now I don’t worry about the details of the action. Broad brushstrokes work fine for plot.

More important than plot is the structure. Not what will happen in the story, but how it will be told. Will it be linear? Recursive? Flashbacks? Multi-threaded? How many characters? How many POVs? Structure affects the reading of the story because it controls how information is presented. An action-heavy plotline will benefit from some cliffhanger chapter breaks, whereas a more character-driven plot will have a forced, unnatural feel if I shoehorn cliffhangers into it.

I also need to have an idea of what style I’m going to use. First person or third person? Omniscient or limited? Lyrical or straightforward? Dialogue-heavy or dialogue-sparse? These aren’t cast in concrete (well, none of this stuff is, really) but they’re decisions that should be made before pen touches paper. Stylistic decisions need to support the plot, structure, and the thematic elements.

And those are the crucial items: the thematic elements. What are the big questions facing my characters? What is the book about? I don’t believe a novel needs a “message,” per se–“If I’d wanted a message, I’d have called Western Union!”–but I always want my books to have a single encompassing idea, a topic they will discuss. Usually, it’s a single word that (for me) infuses the story. Betrayal. Family. Love. Forgiveness. I’ve used these in the past.

Before I walk into my first Book Meeting I need to have all this ready because I’m going to pitch the book to First Reader, and she’s going to pick it apart with all her might.

Turns out, the plot for The Wolf Tree is not stupid.

Oh, and we fixed the ending (parts of which were unbelievable, cliché, and stupid).

So…onward.

k

Chicken Hum Bao

Simple LivingWhen the going gets tough, the tough get cooking…at least in my case.

Here’s a surprisingly easy recipe for something you may never thought you could make at home: Hum bao (aka hum-bow, aka humbow, aka “one of those big white steamed buns with savory filling you grab off the cart at the dim-sum place”).

If there’s one thing I’d stress for this recipe, it’s that you should knead the dough by hand, not with your mixer or food processor. I have two reasons.

My first reason is practical. Using a machine will overwork the dough and make it chewier than it should be when it steams up.

My second reason is personal. Working the dough by hand is good for you. It connects you to the food you’re preparing, and is an experience to be savored as you feel the dough change from crumbly to tough to pliable. You feel the dough fighting you, resisting you until, through your slow persistence, it begins to relax, agreeing to become what you want it to become.

If you say it’s faster with a machine, I’d say no, it isn’t. You’d have to set up the machine, clean it, and stow it away again. And even if that wasn’t true, if you can’t find the 8-10 minutes to spend on the task of kneading the dough, you probably don’t love cooking enough.

Just sayin’. Continue Reading »

One Year In

Mahonia after rainToday begins the second year of this blog. It’s been an education.

Here’s the obligatory breakdown of my first year:

  • This will be the 299th post
  • The blog has garnered almost 7000 hits
  • The blog has been viewed by 137 countries

What fascinates me the most is the variety of search criteria that has sent folks this way.

Factoring out the “miscellaneous” search phrases (like “walking stick heavy end up or down”…hunh?), some things become clear.

  • People are very curious about the relative properties of dishware
    (“porcelain vs. stoneware” — 30% of search hits)
  • People are as interested in my writing as they are in some of the recipes I put up
    (both at 14% of total search hits)
  • People are nearly as interested in what a “peeper’s dry plate” is, as they are in my writing
    (“peeper’s dry plate” — 9% of search hits)
  • Movies, Seattle, and general writing topics each took in 5-7% of the total

It’s all just nerdy gee-whiz sort of figures, but it shows that I’m meeting my two major goals:

  1. I’m writing something on a regular basis
  2. I’m providing a way for my readers and potential readers to learn about my writing

So, my thanks to all of you, both subscribers and passers-by, for your interest, your comments, and your encouragement.

k

Attention on Deck

To the military command structure and certain senators ([cough-Chambliss-cough]):

Now Hear This.

If you are unable to safeguard our service-men and -women from sexual assault, rape, and forced prostitution from within our ranks then you should be tossed out on your collective brass.

If you refuse to drop the attitude and if you continue to blame the victims–see Gen Welsh’s tissue-thin excuse of the “hook-up culture” of American youth or Sen. Chambliss’s unbelievably ignorant comment about it all coming down to “hormones“–then you should not only be removed from the chain-of-c0mmand you hold so dear, but you should be brought up on charges for dereliction of duty.

Sexual assault and rape are not problems caused by the military “climate.” They are not the result of off-color jokes being taken too far or fraternization gone awry. They are crimes. They are crimes against the women and men (a large fraction of sexual assaults in the military are against males) under your command, by men under your command.

What is part of the military climate is the fact that your service personnel report less than 15% of the sexual assault crimes perpetrated against them. Thousands of assaults go unreported for fear of retaliation or for fear that, after you do nothing, the victim will be “marked” within the ranks (all as stated in your own Pentagon report).

Your past efforts to deal with this wave of assaults have proven ineffective, by any standard, much less a military standard. Your assertion–nay, your insistence–that the only way forward is the path we’ve already traveled flies in the face of reason.

So suck it up, soldier. Do your duty to the men and women under your command. Admit what has been proven already: that you are incapable of solving this through a simple chain-of-command reporting structure. Realize that in this case, if you aren’t part of the solution, you are definitely part of the problem.

That Is All.

k

My Brain On Agile

If you want to drive me completely bugfrak crazy, here’s what you do:

  1. Set me the task of fixing a system I know nothing about.
  2. Give me just enough time to analyze the system and get to the point where I juuuust barely understand it.
  3. Let me find the flaw in the system, and get an inkling of a solution.
  4. Take me off that task and set me on another.
  5. Repeat.

Do this enough times and I abso-effing-guarantee you I will go completely postal and do something rash. Like…I don’t know…make hum-bao from scratch. Or apply for a transfer to another group. (Trust me. In my case, that’s rash.)

I mean, seriously now, how hard is it to plan resources three weeks in advance?? Continue Reading »