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The last time I walked down the main street in my home town—4th Street in San Rafael—was fifty years ago. It was hot and my heart was hammering as I walked a mile right down the middle of the street, straight through the downtown core. I wasn’t alone.

Behind me was the entire San Rafael High School Marching Band (Go Bulldogs!), and it was the Bicentennial Parade. I can’t tell you what we played. I can’t tell you how we did. I can’t even tell you what time of day or night it was, but what I can tell you is that as drum major, out in front, wearing that white wool uniform and that ridiculously tall fur hat, I was terrified, trying to look all … drum major-y … with the high steps and whistled commands and baton waving, trying to remember all that Char and Jay had taught me about street marching vs field marching, feeling totally out of my depth and hearing a tiny yet insistent voice in my head repeating: Don’t fuck up don’t fuck up don’t fuck up.

All the way down 4th Street.

It was a rocky time for many of us, the Class of ’76. We’d grown up being told, incessantly, that our graduation year would be an Olympics year, a presidential election year, and the Bicentennial year. Woohoo! How great is that?

I’ll tell ya, for me, it didn’t feel all that great. Costs were high, inflation was 6%, gas was still expensive after the embargoes, and the evening news was filled with reports of boycotts and bombs and war. Half of us had spent the past few years worrying about being sent to Vietnam, but late in ’75 the draft/lottery had ended, so we were beginning to breathe a bit easier on that score. Still, as the presidential primaries upped their tempo, memories of Watergate and Nixon’s pardon roiled up old feelings of disillusionment and, as I watched my few friends prepare to depart for their favored universities, I knew I would be staying behind, working part-time while making my way through local college courses with an attitude as grim as my future appeared to be.

Today, as we approach America’s 250th, I sense similar undercurrents of discontent. For those my age, most of us are seeing the progress we made in the last fifty years—as a nation and as a culture—being torn apart and dismembered by those who seem to have aged out of the ideals and promise of our youth. For those who are now the age I was back then, the paths ahead seem even more bleak. For us it was the Population Bomb and DDT; for today’s youth it’s climate change and AI. Where fifty years ago we had Nixon’s “plumbers, Agnew’s extortion, and the fall of Saigon, today we have a blistered carousel of lies, staggering self-dealing, and the Strait of Hormuz.

I wasn’t proud of my country, back in ’76. I’m definitely not proud of it now. We can do, and we deserve, a lot better.

But here’s the thing.

Between 1976 and 2026, there were times when I was proud of my country, times when I actually admired the people in my government and was proud of advances we made. During that time I was also able to find work and advance my own situation. As a skinny-ass senior at SRHS, I had no hope that any of those things might come to pass, and yet they did. Somehow, step by painful step, we were able to make things better, for ourselves and for each other. Sure, the pendulum has swung backward now, and ground has been lost. But not all ground has been lost.

While I didn’t have much hope back then, I was also too young to have seen what Americans can do when we get our hackles up, when things get so bad that we finally raise our heads and take note. That’s when we get creative. That’s when we push back. That’s when we look around, band together, and muster the courage to effect real change.

Today, as we approach our nation’s 250th (sullied as it has become), I believe there is reason to hope. I believe people are beginning to raise their heads and take note.

Time to get our hackles up.

k

 

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three shots, maybe four
from her ‘I’m not mad at you’
to his ‘fucking bitch’

five shots, maybe ten
to go from ‘Are you okay?”
to oblivion

two deaths plus six more
this winter of ’26
merely a month old

Cáceras, Campos,
Díaz, La, Good, Yáñez-Cruz,
Domíngues, Pretti

remember their names
that their dreams and hopes and joys
are not forgotten

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I am a white middle-class sixty-something hetero male living in America. I am arguably the possessor of the highest level of entitlement in the less-than-billionaire world. I have lived my life in two of the bluest of blue demographic regions in the nation. I have never known any discrimination beyond those deserved by my own flaws.

I grew up, though, during an era of intense racial strife. My family and teachers brought the concept of civil rights into my young life. I learned that our nation had a history of treating people differently, based on how they looked. I learned that, though I did not personally feel the effects of prejudice, others in the world definitely did. I learned that the presumptions made about me were not necessarily made of others, if their skin was darker than mine, if their religion was different than mine.

And I was asked, did that seem fair?

It did not.

As I grew older, I discovered that it didn’t even matter if our skin was pale. If you were a woman, you could be treated differently, also as “less than.” Having been schooled by women, having been raised by women, this also did not seem fair.

But while I was able, as a teen ensconced in my bluish-ivory tower, to intellectualize all of this and say “Oh, yes, that is bad,” and, “That is wrong and we should work to fix that,” it took many more years before I realized that this unfairness, this prejudice, this smoldering (if not outright) racism and sexism, this misogyny, this antisemitism, this idea that pale skin imbued one with an inherent supremacy, imposed a level of stress and daily anxiety the like of which I had no concept. I had no idea what it was like to fear men on the street. I had no idea of what it was like for someone to take one look at me and decide my worth, my value, my humanity.

I did learn of it, though. It wasn’t a difficult assignment. All I had to do was open my eyes and pay attention for a brief period, because it was all there, easy to see if you simply looked around.

These days, though, it’s even easier to see. Now, you have to actively look away in order not to see it.

And many of us are doing just that.

If you aren’t, though … if you are paying attention and watching what is going on and seeing what is happening out there, in our nation, in our name, I ask you this:

Be extra kind. Take care to take care of those around you, be they neighbors or strangers or just folks in the checkout line at the grocer’s. People are on edge, and tempers are near the breaking point. None of us know what the person next to us in line has g0ne through today, or this week, or this month. They might be in pain, scared, angry as hell, and just barely holding it in.

It’s fucking chaos out there. So we need to be kind to one another. Just so we can all see tomorrow.

Together.

k

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don’t give in to the maelstrom’s song
the downward spiral toward denial
of what your bones know is righteous or wrong

don’t let the harmonies that sing in your blood
go quiet and numb, muffled and choked
by the unfeeling actions of criminal hearts

there’s so much so much this onrushing tide
of gleeful cruelty and polished-brass venality that
to think of nothing to jettison hope can seem the softer path

but love dies when hearts go silent
and despair takes root when tears dry up
numbness saves no one not others not us

so let the feelings come seek them out
lean in and swim with the building wave
shout out rise up and take the beachhead

for this is a fight we dare not lose

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Republicans are blaming the Democrats for the shutdown and, following the standard congressional “I’m rubber, you’re glue” playbook, Democrats are blaming the GOP in turn. That’s a weak, schoolyard response, and I’m sick of that game. Here’s what I want to hear from Democrats:

“You’re goddamn right we’re responsible. We are shutting this shit-show down, using every tool we can muster, using the power of the minority (just as you have done so many times over the years) to obstruct, to delay, to thwart, to frustrate, to discomfit, to drive a wedge between y’all and your base, to amplify our voice and blast our message, and our message is this: We will not be complicit!

“We will not be complicit in making health care unaffordable for millions by raising premiums and cutting services (and don’t trot out that bullshit lie about us wanting to provide health care to undocumented immigrants, because you know folks need an SSN to apply for Obamacare, and the undocumented, by definition, don’t have one).  People are having a very tough time, right now, and we won’t help you make it worse. We won’t. You’ll have to sit down with us. You’ll have to take the damned meeting. You’ll have to negotiate. You’ll have to fucking govern instead of strutting around like a bunch of mooks in cheap suits running a protection racket.

“Moreover, we will not be complicit in supporting your destruction of our society. We won’t support this rogue militia you’ve created out of ICE and CBP, a force that rappels from BlackHawks down into American cities to round up people indiscriminately, en masse, without warrants, destroying property, terrorizing communities, citizens and immigrants, adults and children alike. No. We won’t.

“We’re not going to just stand by and wring our hands and think back fondly on gentler times while you erode our most basic rights. No, JD, we’re not going to be ‘civil’ in the face of your incivility, we’re not going to be silent and meek when one of the tenets of our founding documents enshrines our freedom to tell you that you’re wrong and we’re right and why.

“And we’re not going to just bite our tongues when you call everything an ‘emergency’ so you can raise the cost of goods with tariffs, withhold funding appropriated by law, extort businesses and universities into silence, prosecute individuals because they made you look bad, and slap the ‘terrorist’ label on anyone exercising free speech.

“No. We’re not. We’re going to shut this down, and we’re going to do it loudly and unapologetically. We’re going to make governing this nation as difficult as possible until you come to the table, sit down, and negotiate. We are doing this because of the real and lasting harm you are perpetrating against our nation. We are doing this because we fucking can, and because the American people need someone to protect them, to look out for their needs, their health, and their lives.”

That is what I want to hear. That is what I think we need to hear.

k

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I write to express my strong support for your recent vote to REJECT the continuing resolution to fund the government, and I beg you to hold fast and continue to fight for a negotiated bill that will undo some of the worst effects of the GOP’s efforts to strip American’s in need of their Medicaid and ACA assistance.

Moreover, I am also in support of the broader position that we cannot continue to fund the GOP’s efforts to dismantle the federal government, nor the administration’s obvious predisposition to limit, ignore, and outright deny American citizens their constitutionally-protected rights. A vote for the CR would make us all complicit in our own demise, and would be nothing less than appeasement of this the president’s growing autocracy.

I know that the president has threatened mass firings/layoffs should a shutdown come to pass, but I have two things to say about that.

First, he threatened this the last time, and Democrats blinked, wanting to avoid the unnecessary hardship that firings would cause to thousands of government employees. However, that concession, that concern, got Democrats nothing but a black eye and a reputation for not having the resolve to match their rhetoric.

Second, firing those employees would be the president’s choice, not a necessity, as he has the option of furloughing them instead. If he does fire thousands, yes, it will cause those employees harm, but how much harm will be caused by the loss of Medicaid and ACA subsidies? We must weigh the difference between employees losing their jobs and citizens losing their lives.

So it is with knowledge of the painful ramifications a shutdown would cause that I plead with you to stand your ground for as long as it takes to bring your GOP colleagues to the table, to push the president to take your meetings, and to force this administration to govern by negotiation and consensus, rather than by fiat.

Thank you for your past service to our state and to the nation.

In hope,

k

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With my reputation as a life-long and somewhat outspoken liberal, some can be excused for assuming that I was glad to hear that Mr. Kirk was assassinated. This is not so. I am most definitely not glad of it.

Primarily, having lost a parent in my youth, I empathize with the loss his wife and children are suffering. Though his children are younger than I was—I was almost six when my mother died—such a loss effects the entire family, and for a long time. I still feel the effects of my mother’s death, a lifetime later, and given Kirk’s large-sized life and the manner of his death, I know his family will feel it forever. Nothing to be glad of, there.

Also, I lived through a period marked by political assassinations. From JFK and MLK and RFK to Milk and Moscone and Sadat, I’ve experienced the gut-wrench of seeing a hero struck down, the rage of having one man’s bullet steal the hope of multitudes, and the despair as that rage boiled up, spilled over, and engendered an escalation that led to more violence, more hatred, more division.

And then there’s the fact that political assassinations never bring about the result desired. Assassins see their act as the simple solution to a complex problem, but all their crimes do is create new sets of problems and embolden their victim’s supporters, exacerbating tensions and giving new life to old hatreds. We see this happening now, too, and I am not glad of it.

I was not a fan of Kirk’s outlook and philosophy, and found much of it backward-looking and hate-filled. However, I’ve learned that there are many in my circle who, before this week, had never even heard of Charlie Kirk. It’s reasonable to assume, therefore, that there are many right-leaning folks who were likewise ignorant of Kirk’s message and activism. Until now. Thus, rather than silencing Kirk’s message, this assassination has the unintended effect of amplifying his message, presenting it to more people who might find it acceptable. It transforms messenger into martyr, and I don’t see this as a positive.

Amid all this, there’s the ridiculous tendency for pundits and politicians and performers to keep score. An assassin’s motives are, to my mind, largely irrelevant, because the crime is indefensible. So, regardless of whether Kirk’s assassin was an alt-right reactionary or an ultra-left-wing anarchist, the end results are the same. Understanding motives is only relevant when discussing radicalization in the aggregate; when we talk about individuals, it only serves to rile and enrage and justify finger-pointing tirades.

Finally, there’s the permission structure the assassin has provided Kirk’s supporters. By murdering a man who was—let’s face it—simply exercising his rights to freedom of speech, Kirk’s assassin has given our nascent autocracy the perfect excuse to ratchet up their own rhetoric, prosecute political enemies, label criticism as “hate speech” (which is protected by the First Amendment and legal precedent*, by the way), attack/doxx/fire private citizens for expressing opinions, and manipulate corporations, markets, and media that don’t hew to the prescribed orthodoxy.

None of this—none of it—makes me glad. None of it is good. None of it is helpful. None of it solves anything.

So . . . what to do?

The only thing that has helped me avoid absolute despair this week is this: be kind. Especially—and this is the hard part—be kind to those you encounter who may be grieving over the death of someone they admired. Why? Because a lot of people who admired Kirk are unaware of his more incendiary and regressive views, having only been exposed to his more faith-based and patriotic messaging. Also, there are those who, as mentioned, were unaware of Kirk in general, but who see the assassination of a right-wing firebrand as an attack on their world view. Being kind to these folks, right now, might allow you to have a reasoned discussion where everyone is able to agree that Kirk’s assassination is not something that makes us glad, even though we disagreed with him. Naturally, there are those who are wholly on-board with what Kirk was laying out there, but even then, being kind is useful, as it protects us from entering into useless arguments.

That’s my take on things. I will never be glad that someone is assassinated.

*Info on the SCOTUS precedent (for what it’s worth these days) can be read about via this link to Matal v. Tam

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