It’s a rule I have: Never take food from a guy who talks to himself.
Call me crazy, call me cold and unfriendly, I don’t care. If you’re having an animated conversation with people I cannot see, I may have … reservations … about most anything you offer me.
Thus the other day when Kevin (a guy I never met before) got off the bus behind me, talking a blue streak to no one in particular (he was not on the phone) and then, as we both walked toward the car park, asked me if I wanted a free bagel, I demurred.
I mention this because Kevin then went on to tell me how he just doesn’t like people here in Seattle. We’re not as “friendly” as the people on the streets of his hometown, New York City. People here—according to Kevin—are cold, unfriendly, and not to be trusted. Leaving aside for the moment that “friendly” is not the word that immediately leaps to mind when I think of New Yorkers, this is not the first time I’ve heard Seattleites described as being as cold and unwelcoming as our weather. It’s an actual thing, and it’s called the Seattle Freeze.
People new to The Emerald City often find it difficult to make friends. They complain that we locals don’t like to socialize and won’t commit (or sometimes even respond) to invitations. We don’t like to talk to each other in queues. We don’t smile much, don’t make eye contact, and we often come across as being uppity, snooty, or even downright rude. Apparently, it’s enough of a turn-off that, combined with our weather, the Seattle Freeze sends a lot of new imports packing within the first year or two. Even old-timers, people who’ve lived here all their lives, remark upon it. Seattle used to be the friendliest of places, they say, but recently it has changed.
I’ve asked a lot of people about this, to get a gut-check on my own reaction to the charges, and I generally get two answers. When I describe The Freeze, everyone nods knowingly—we’ve all experienced it—but when I ask if they find Seattleites rude or distant, some say no and some say yes.
The ones who say no, the ones who do not find fellow Seattleites’ conduct rude or unfriendly, are introverts. The ones who say yes, are more outgoing extroverts.
It’s all in your perception. We aren’t rude; we’re just private, reticent, and slow to open up. We’re not unfriendly; we’re just wary of new people (as I was of Kevin), and generally won’t give you a lot of interaction if you try to chat us up while we queue for the bus.
But cold? Uncaring?
No. We’re not that (except for maybe in February, when we’ve finally grown sick of the interminable gloom of Seattle’s winter, but who wouldn’t be?) No; we still thank the bus driver when we debark. We still run after someone to return the wallet or phone they dropped on the sidewalk. We still have “You go … No, you go,” discussions at four-way stop signs. When someone is in need, as I experienced back in January of this year, we leap to action, work together, and help. In fact, Seattle has been listed as the most charitable city in the U.S. That’s not cold or uncaring.
What about the change in the city’s character as reported by long-time residents? Well, I have a theory.
Modern Seattle has always had a pretty high nerd factor. Boeing has been one of the region’s biggest employers for decades, bringing us engineers and eggheads galore. But it wasn’t until the Dot Com gold rush of the late ’90s that Seattle became seriously nerdy. Now, you can’t swing a cat without hitting a developer or webmaster. We have several major technology players here in town. Microsoft. Amazon. Zillow. F5. We have a nationally recognized medical research community centering around the UW Medicine and the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center. We have game makers scattered around the greater Seattle area like Pop Cap, Nintendo, and Wizards of the Coast.
In short, the last two decades have seen a huge upswing in the per capita nerd factor. And most nerds are quiet, private, and introverted.
We’re not rude. We’re just a bit on the shy side.
True, the dot-com boom created a lot of nouveau riche who drive around in their Teslas and brag about the box seats at the opera that they don’t use. Snooty could be used to describe some of them. And we have a growing income inequality which has made the struggling middle class folks a bit more testy than they were before. These are contributing factors that help build the bigger picture, but I know from experience that most Seattleites are kind-hearted folk who will gladly help out a stranger.
Just don’t expect us to enjoy listening to your life story while we wait in line at Starbucks.
k
[…] methods to “pass” in their society. It’s not as bad here in Seattle, home of the Seattle Freeze, but every day at work and when I travel to other cities, it’s a constant barrage. And lord, […]
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It’s white people in Seattle who glance at you sullenly and run off if you ask them the time of day. Everyone else is perfectly polite and lovely. So there’s that.
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Most of the old-time residents who complain of the change in the town’s personality are white, so there’s that, too. And, as a white guy who’s given the time of day, information on the next bus, and directions to various locations around town to people of every color, I can tell you that your experience is not universal. I will grant you that a major portion of the tech sector is white, so if my premise of a nerd-to-introvert correlation is correct, then it might explain some of your experience (which I’m not denying) without having to resort to blanket statements about race and behavior.
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Oh, Kurt, I just read through this now (I’ve been buried in grading). Such an interesting post! I’m still processing and pondering.
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Congrats on making it through this grading season. My sister is finishing up hers this week.
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I ask OTHER people to talk and tell their life story, while in line at Starbuck’s, and this works for me!
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Do you find that a certain percentage of folks are less eager than others?
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I pay no attention, I just keep talking. smile. I find pretty high tolerance because I am a little old lady. People will cut me some slack for odd behavior.
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