I have relatives who are racists.
There. I said it.
It’s true. I have, in my extended family, people who are racist. More than that, one in particular is undoubtedly a white nationalist (my label, definitely not hers). I wouldn’t go so far as to call her a white supremacist, but that’s only because she’s too lazy to get that involved. Were she younger, healthier, and possessed of a little more disposable income, oh yeah, she would have been marching down the streets of Charlottesville, torch in hand, chanting vile slogans.
Immigrants. Democrats. Liberals. Jews. Muslims. Mexicans. Blacks. The poor.
AOC. Bernie. Chuck. Hillary. And the King of the Leftist Hill: Obama.
Of course, it’s all wrapped up in her mantle of holiness, her über-Christianity. America was founded by straight white folks who worshipped a straight white god, and you’d better behave like them or that god will punish you, or worse, the nation and, by extension, her. And that ain’t good. Nope. Not good at all.
She’s very good at what she does, too. She spins like a dervish, impervious to logic. Whenever I have tried to argue a point, zeroing in on a fallacy or flaw in her argument, she would pivot like an NBA All-Star, duck under my guard, and shoot from a completely different angle. Swish! leaving me to stand there, shaking my head in dismay. There is no changing her mindset, no way she will ever admit that she might be the teensiest bit wrong, and so arguing is worse than futile, and most of us have just given up. If we even tried, that is.
Over the years, she has been handed a pass by those close to her. Driven by love, loyalty, and a heartfelt desire to respect one’s elders, her sons, daughters, and grandchildren have bitten their collective lip, turned a blind eye, and in general sighed a big fat “Yeah, whatever” when she spews her rhetoric. And it is constant.
Together, we have all given her safe harbor. We have all been complicit, encouraging her through our silence.
But that is beginning to change.
The younger folks in her family are retreating. Some have even begun calling her out, and not kindly, earning the disapprobation of their parents. It is an uncomfortable situation, to be sure, but it is necessary, for this is how racism survives in an ever more inclusive society. This is where racism lives, hidden within our families, and it is what racism relies upon: our desire for peace, our avoidance of conflict.
Back when I was a theist, my rabbi taught me that “peace in the house” was the most important thing for dealing with difficult family situations. “I want to keep kosher, but what do I do when I go to visit my Christian relatives?” I asked. “Keep peace in the house,” he told me. “God will understand.” By that token, I also ignored the patently absurd and scientifically unsound theories some elders posited on the origin of human races, and their none-too-subtle jabs at minorities.
Now, though, I feel that my rabbi was wrong. Putting family before morality is not a good thing. Allowing evil, even a small evil, to live within a family only allows that evil to grow strong and to spread. There are times when a schism within a family is preferable to quietude, and when, like a cancer, we should identify it, isolate it, and root it out. If Nana or Uncle Joe doesn’t get invited to Thanksgiving dinner anymore, well, that might be sad for a while, but good in the long run. After all, with everyone walking on eggshells just to avoid poking the racist bear in the living room, where does that get fun? It might be quiet, but is it peaceful?
We can’t control who we have as family, but we can control who we treat as family.
So, for me, no more safe harbor. I’m going to call them as I see them. Because otherwise, I’m just part of the problem.
k
P.S.
As a (sometime) novelist who hopes that the public will take enough interest in my work to part with a few bucks and read one (or more) of my books, I have to weigh the risks of stepping into the circus of public opinion. My views of the world may not be yours, and I risk alienating you (and your interest) if I give voice to my views. Every artist, every creator, every person who is closely tied with a product must make this calculation. Some dive into the deep end, take the hit, and revel in the notoriety. Others, like me, are reluctant to offend–hell, I’m reluctant to offend in private–so when it comes to publicly stating my opinions, I really stop to think before I act. Thankfully, it’s a statistically safe bet that those who read my books (or this blog) hold opinions that are at least fairly similar to mine. For those who do not, if I do lose you as a reader due to my publicly stated opinions, well, good luck and godspeed. You’ll be welcomed back, should you change your mind. –k
Any update? — I am in suspense after that job interview you had. Also, I am overdue to send you a wave from the other side of the freeway, where there are food trucks out every night in front of the Ridgecrest Pub! That’s pretty much what’s happening over here.
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What with summer vacations for the interviewers, they haven’t finished all the applicants. Word from an inside source, though, says they’re just ticking boxes at this point, as they’ve already made a decision. Should know in a week or two. Fingers crossed.
The news from this side of the freeway is that we have census takers out checking the addresses and zoning status of homes. Never had that before, but neighborhoods are changing to multi-family, so I guess there’s a need to prepare the way.
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