Change is not “good.” We just say that to put on a brave face. The fact is that change is neither inherently good or bad. Change, like the universe, is neutral.
Change just is.
There have been a lot of changes around my house in the last 24 months. In that time, my wife and I have lost three of our four parents. Big change. Also during this period my wife discovered Facebook and, as a result, our social circles have widened and multiplied. Change, also pretty big from my POV. And, for the past several months we’ve had a houseguest, a young person whose life blew up while visiting us, and whom we’re helping get reestablished. Epic change.
In other words, my home life, my level of social interaction, and my private world have all undergone dramatic and fundamental transformations. And it’s made me a bit stroppy.
Yes. Stroppy. Look it up.
The other day, in an attempt to help isolate the source of my stroppiness, J.Z. Murdock (a friend and fellow writer), asked: Are you writing?
No. I’m not.
I have. Somewhere at the beginning of all this turmoil I managed to write a new novel. I’ve also rewritten a couple short stories, and edited a memoir. Recently, though, nothing new.
But writing–or not writing–is not my problem. Change is my problem. Things have been changing so fast that I can’t adapt quickly enough. I don’t know what to expect–hell, sometimes I don’t even know how I fit within this new framework–and some of these changes are in direct opposition with my personality. I’m not what you’d call “social.” My circle of friends has always been small and select. I like my privacy, my calm, and a modicum of predictability, all of which have been rather thin on the ground these past two years.
No. Not writing is not my problem.
However, it may be part of the solution.
You see, I’ve been waiting until life settles down a bit so I can find the wherewithal to concentrate on writing my new novel, but that hasn’t turned out to be a really great plan. And now, part of me is really afraid that life won’t settle down, ever. If that’s true, though, then waiting for it to happen is a seriously stupid strategy.
Change isn’t good. Change just is.
And I have to learn to deal with that.
So…I am now considering new strategies, and one of them is just to buckle down and write for a couple evenings each week.
Perhaps it’s time to make some changes of my own.
k
Unraveling Time
Desert Wind
Ploughman's Son
Ploughman King
The Year the Cloud Fell
The Spirit of Thunder
Shadow of the Storm
The Cry of the Wind
Beneath a Wounded Sky
Cryptogenesis: A Memoir
Kurt R.A. Giambastiani 
Kurt, sounds like a plan. Sorry it took so long to get ’round to reading this. Often in a hurry while scanning, I save the good reads for later. Unfortunately, they generally get misplaced in the clutter. Hope by now you are feeling a bit more settled, and have been writing again.
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Hey, Rod. Thanks for the kind words. I’m just starting a little “stay-cation,” so I’m hoping to clear the carbs and get pen to paper. I owe pen pals letters, and I have a short story clattering around in my head. I’m even planning an internet-diet, to really quiet things down. Already, it’s better. Thanks again.
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I’m so sorry about your recent losses and the turmoil. When I worked with high school writers and heard them say, “I can’t WAIT to get out of high school so I’ll have time to write,” I bit my tongue. Then when my tongue started bleeding, I would (as patiently as I could manage) tell them the world will never stop so you can write. Never.
You’re so right about change being neutral. The only thing constant and all that. We live in our RV, traveling, no house to go “home” to. The view out our window changes nearly every day. Tonight we’ll go to bed in Iowa — tomorrow we might wake up in Wisconsin. Or Kansas. Or someplace in between.
Finding an anchor is a good idea. When writing can’t be that anchor for a writer, something else must take its place. Most of all, reminding ourselves that *not* writing is okay and sometimes necessary. What you are going through will make for better writing later. For now, it’s all about being strong and close to loved ones.
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Thanks, Ellen. Luckily, I know I can write even when life gets busy. I’ve done it before, wrote a book a year for a while back in the Naughts. I guess I’ve convinced myself that things were different then and while, yeah, they were a bit different, the idea was the same.
I need to stop trying to “find” the time, and just plain _make_ the time. That’s what I did before. And if life is an emotional train wreck (which it isn’t) then it’s just grist for the mill.
K
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Oh, Kurt. I was meant to read your blog today. First, I am so sorry about all the loss in your life. And I commend you for still reaching out to help someone else whose life is in turmoil. I, too, have had lots of change the past few years. You need a space holder: http://candidkay.com/2014/06/02/holding-space/. Wishing you peace.
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Kay, I saw your post on my reader right after I posted mine. I’m not sure if anyone’s holding space for me–everything’s in an uproar right now–so I may need to find some _thing_ to anchor myself to during this period of change. It’s a good concept, though. Thanks.
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