In 1983, carrying a cellular phone was like walking around with a stick blender in your hand (except heavier), and cassette-playing Walkmans were de rigeur.
In 1983, we argued VHS versus Betamax (I lost that one), saw the birth of the internet, and wondered what Microsoft WIndows would look like.
In 1983, M*A*S*H was ending but “The A-Team” was starting up, Debra Winger died in “Terms of Endearment,” and George Lucas disappointed the world with Ewoks.
Also, in 1983, on July 30, I said “I do, I shall, I will,” for the first and only time, standing before a company of friends and family beneath a canopy of redwoods in a hometown park.
In an anniversary note this week, my father wrote to me: “It’s not as easy as you two make it seem.”
True. It isn’t.
It isn’t as easy as we make it seem, but neither is it as hard as some people make it for themselves.
Marriage isn’t about the Now. It’s about the Forever. It’s about two people being stronger than one against the world. It’s about my having her back, 100%, 24/7, and knowing she has mine. When we’ve had rough times, it’s only been when we doubted that in any way.
Marriage isn’t about perfection. It’s about recognizing our imperfections, and using our complementary strengths. I’m big picture, she’s detail. I’m strategic, she’s tactical. I don’t know how much anything costs, and she doesn’t know how long it takes to get anywhere. I’m shy and awkward in social gatherings, while she can strike up a conversation with strangers on a train.
Marriage isn’t about opposites attract. It’s about common ground. Going in, we discussed issues big and small. We discussed child-rearing, personal goals, loves and hates, political views, and all that baggage tightly packed by our dysfunctional families. We discussed books, movies, food, and pastimes. We didn’t know everything about each other when we wed–she still surprises me with new thoughts, fresh anecdotes, undiscovered quirks–but we knew enough. We had enough common ground to keep us stable, but enough differences to keep us interested.
Marriage isn’t about a piece of paper. It’s about a bond and pride and confidence. To anyone who pooh-poohs marriage with the phrase “It’s only a piece of paper,” I say “You just don’t get it, do you?” It’s not about getting the state’s approval or society’s sanction. It’s about wearing that ring like a badge of honor. It’s about committing everything. It’s about going all in. You can’t half-measure your way through a marriage. If you can’t go all in, then get all out.
It may not be as easy as we make it seem, but it’s damned well worth the effort.
Here’s to thirty years more.
k
Man, you gave away the ending of Terms Of Endearment!
I guess I don’t have to watch it now.
Congrats 🙂
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There’s still “Steel Magnolias.”
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Or “Fried Green Tomatoes”. Or “Hope Floats”.
Classics, all, I’m sure.
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Definitely in my “Once is enough” category.
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very touching and lovely, i love you guys!
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We’re doing our damnedest. 😉
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Many congratulations and a very happy anniversary! 🙂
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Thanks. Today’s movie choice (hers) is “Persuasion.”
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*snicker* ❤
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Now we’re watching “Firefly” (my choice).
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*swoon*
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Congratulations! I think a lot of people expect marriage to be full of romance forever, when the reality is, it’s full of dirty dishes and unmatched socks. You have to work hard for the romance.
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Yup. And it’s unrealistic to think you’re going to have that ohmygodiminlove feeling forever. It comes in waves. The trick is to learn to ride those waves and, even better, to make some on your own.
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