Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘creative writing’

I heard the girls’ chirping laughs from across the atrium. They sounded like happy birds, echolocating in the grand space, and when I saw them, I could tell it was “Princess Day.”

They bounced along on their bendy, four-year old legs, dressed in pink and lilac and yellow and green. They wore leotards and leggings and big romantic tutus. On their heads were tiaras, pinned in their ponytailed hair, and on their feet were sneakers, their only concession to practicality.

They squealed and giggled, as only little girls do. Their guardian/pack-mule Dad followed along, dutifully observant, consciously laissez-faire. They buzzed around him like a time-lapse movie, his measured steps surrounded by streaks of pastel hues and tulle.

When they saw the fountain, their cries hit that dog-whistle range at 100dB, making every adult wince and smile at the same time. The fountain was surrounded by a shallow pool with pennies decorating its watered tiles.

One of the girls thumped purposefully down onto her butt and, with her tongue sticking out the side of her mouth and a look of decision on her face, she grabbed one of her shoes in both hands and began to tug. Her friend did likewise.

Dad, divining their intent, started juggling coats and bags so he could move in to stop the inevitable.

I turned and continued on my way, not wanting to know if they made it or not, not wanting to lose that mental picture of pure determination to have fun.

Read Full Post »

Kurt R.A. GiambastianiI finished the rewrite of “Cast in Stone,” today. It’s longer and, in my opinion, much improved. I’m going to give it another read-through before posting it, but I’m pretty happy with it.

As a reminder, I’m giving away the original story, the hand-written rewrite, and now I’m adding the marked-up printout that I created during this rewrite process. To enter this contest, go to the original contest post and leave a comment (full rules after the jump).

Rewrites are always instructive, if you approach it with the right attitude. Problems I thought were insurmountable (albeit 20 years ago) I now find correctable.

  • The “new character halfway through the story” issue was solved by bringing all three characters into the first scene.
  • The “too-short scene near the end” issue was fixed by combining it with the following scene.
  • The “too many POVs” issue I addressed by pulling the entire story up into full omniscient viewpoint.

But why rewrite the whole story, every word of it? Well, my style has changed a lot in 20 years, and I want it to sound like me, now, and not me, then.

Keep your eyes peeled.

(more…)

Read Full Post »

Kurt R.A. GiambastianiTonight, as I was working on the rewrite of “Cast in Stone,” I thought it might be a lark to offer up my handwritten MS to anyone who wants it.

Full disclosure: If no one puts in for it, I’ll pout a wee bit.

And so…

If you want to receive in the post a printout of the original version of “Cast in Stone” (with colorized markup, as posted here on this blog) accompanied by my handwritten rewrite (I’m rewriting the entire story, not just sections, on Rhodia paper with a St Dupont pen using Noodler’s Baystate Blue ink), all you have to do is this: (more…)

Read Full Post »

Kurt R.A. GiambastianiI know you’re all anxiously awaiting the “big reveal” on my full rewrite of “Cast in Stone”–he said, his words dripping with sarcasm–but that’s still a couple of days away. Meanwhile, I’m still working on the analysis task I set for myself.

If you’ll recall, as preparation for my next book, I’ve been analyzing the writing of some writers whose style I’d like to emulate. I’ve started with Alice Hoffman’s Blackbird House, a set of vignettes describing centuries of life around a single location. My goal was to understand how she is able, with extremely simple language, to create the feeling of lyricism and the mystical atmosphere that imbue so much of her work.

Let me warn you, though, before you take on a task like this. Just as most sausage-lovers don’t like to see sausage being made, doing a breakdown/ analysis/ desconstruction of a favorite author’s work can take some of the magic out of the reading experience. Suddenly, you’ll see the elements on every page, in every paragraph, and it may take some time before you can stop seeing those elements (if at all).

(more…)

Read Full Post »

Kurt R.A. Giambastiani

This edit only addresses the items highlighted in the original, and while I feel it is an improved version, there are still other problems–some of those “macro” level problems of the type I mentioned way back when I started this series. Problems like, say what? a new character halfway through a short story? Problems like, it’s just a bit dry and non-descript in places; too bland and banal. Problems like, it’s got a little too much sci-fi gimcrackery around the edges.

I’ll address these issues in a final rewrite, but for now, feel free to read and compare this to the original version.

(more…)

Read Full Post »

Kurt R.A. Giambastiani

Here is the original version of “Cast in Stone,” a trunk story I wrote about 20 years ago (Good lord, has it been that long?) If you missed the history of this piece, go read the Preamble to this edit-fest.

And to remind you of the color codes for each error type:

  • Telling, not showing
  • Clunky phrasing/naming names
  • Exposition
  • Bad metaphors/similes/adjectives
  • Wiggle words
  • Echoes

(more…)

Read Full Post »

Kurt R.A. GiambastianiMy story, “Cast in Stone,” was written in the early ’90s, and is probably the third or fourth story I ever wrote. I wrote it for a themed anthology about “deaders,” brain-dead humans who were animated via software to become servants and workers. The anthology accepted the story, but the money fell through and it was never published.

I then submitted the story to OMNI, back when OMNI was (a) a real magazine and (b) still publishing fiction under the incomparable editorial hand of Ellen Datlow. One of Ms. Datlow’s assistant editors, Robert K.J. Killheffer, read the story, and liked it enough to take the extraordinary step of leading me through several rewrites. (I have to say, after boiler-plate/check-list rejection letters, it was a thrill to get a letter for a rewrite!) He provided me with guidance each time through, suggesting changes in everything from the title (original title: “Statuesque Revisions”…ick) to structure and style.

We went through about four iterations, if memory serves, with Rob sending me up two pages or so of typewritten comments, and me improving the story each time. In the end, the story was still rejected, but this all tells you how much work went into the version I present to you here.

And even with all that editing, all that mentorship, it still has so many problems that I wince to read parts of it.

So, what I will be presenting here is “Cast in Stone,” in its original, post-OMNI form. I have changed not a word, but I have highlighted the major errors and issues of the type I’ve talked about in this series of posts. I’ve given each a color code as follows:

  • Telling, not showing
  • Clunky phrasing/naming names
  • Exposition
  • Bad metaphors/similes/adjectives
  • Wiggle words
  • Echoes

Then, I’ll present a rewritten version where I’ll fix them and (possibly) some of the larger, structural problems the story has.

Ready?

 

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »