Yesterday, I received my Voter’s Pamphlet for Washington’s August primary election. At the federal level, we’re voting for a senator. There are a total of thirty candidates vying for the seat, so it’s a packed primary.
Packed with what, I cannot say in polite company.
First off, let me reiterate my standard complaint about the Green Party. They have fielded no candidate in any primary race here, except for one person running for U.S. Senator. The Libertarian Party and the Independent Party—Who am I kidding? There’s no such organization as the “Independent Party.” But I digress—those two parties have candidates at nearly every level, which is what you have to do to build recognition, reputation, and viability. But true to form, the Green Party just swans in, puts a name on the ballot for president or senator, siphons off a handful of votes (sometimes enough to make a negative impact), and then pats themselves on the back until the next major election cycle.
That’s not what got my attention, though. The main thing that struck me about this year’s senatorial primary is just how many of the thirty candidates are utter fools intent on either promoting themselves or mocking the system.
It’s not like we don’t have any qualified candidates. There are quite a few with decent CVs and track records of public service, enough to give the voting public some decent choices. But heavens above, it’s one thing to mock the system, and another to . . . some of these folks . . . I think they might be serious.
I’ll ignore the fact that a few of the photos submitted look like mug shots—one candidate looks like he was pulled in after quite the night out—and I will leave aside their statements on positions and goals.
Come with me, though, as we peruse the experience (elected, professional, and community service) as supplied by these candidates for U.S. Senator.
- None (It wasn’t “No information submitted,” as with some other candidates; It was “None.” For all three areas!)
- Elected Experience
- I’ve run for office/worked on campaigns.
- I’ve been electorally defeated 18 times (this guy needs to look up the word “elected”)
- High School Senior Class President
- Created impressive real estate holdings and businesses . . . (And this is “Elected Experience”, how?)
- US Army Reserve Electrician, FAA Air Traffic Controller . . . (This one slays me, like, when did these groups start electing electricians and traffic controllers? But wait until you see what this one put under “Professional Experience”)
- Professional Experience
- 10 years football coach (Like, for the Seahawks or something? Something tells me . . . not.)
- 100% bilingual and multicultural. (Come on! These questions are not that hard!)
- Tacit knowledge of biological effects of electromagnetic radiation, electromagnetic field interactions with the human body, the effect of microwaves on the central nervous system, and constitutional and human rights violations by ubiquitous imposition of toxic agents in to the environment and health of nations.
(No, I’m not kidding. That’s what the candidate (the electrician, above) listed as Professional Experience.)
- Community Service
- Running for office. (We have been served, I guess.)
- I have had access for over 40 years, first person in the military, second person in the Nation since 1978. (Wha . . . I mean . . . Wha?)
- Mother of three educated, self-supporting children. (Okay, I can see that spun as a service to the community, but I think this one missed the point of the question.)
Again, we have plenty of qualified candidates. We have the usual lawyers, real estate developers, veterans, and doctors, but also mechanics, engineers, a scientist, a police officer, a social worker, and a former newscaster. We have folks with decades of true community service and years spent in elected office (and no, I do not consider the lack of previous elected experience a disqualifying factor). But alongside these worthies, we also have a fine crop of nut bars filling out the field.
Perhaps it’s a sign of the fervor that currently embroils this nation, a rising passion that has spurred such a broad spectrum of candidates to run for Congress. And perhaps we have the same contender::joker ratio, and the only reason we have such a collection of whackadoodles on the ballot is because we have about four times the number of usual candidates.
I sure as hell hope so.
k
Thanks so much for this article which helped me sort out the candidates (smile). I easily completed my ballot today and dropped it at the Shoreline Library since I live at 165th by the Crest Theater. Hooray for Shoreline!
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My voter pamphlet only offered the personal statements from each senate candidate, so I missed out on their qualifications. Last night, I did dramatic readings of some of the statements, including Dave Strider (delightfully bad grammar), GoodSpaceGuy (what’s not to love), George H. Kalberer (wow!), and John Orlinski (who’s statement was fine, but his photo inspired me to read it with a Russian accent). The family was thoroughly amused.
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